hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
