1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We have started to decorate penises.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
