I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
