you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize