I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so let's talk penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
