I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
