I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
