I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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