felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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