I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
