dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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