If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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