hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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