did you get engaged???
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize