you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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