the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize