THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
