She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize