Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
