I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
