i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
