just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
