i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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