you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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