piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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