girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
