come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
