Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
