My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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