Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize