let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
