You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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