apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
