i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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