note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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