the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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