I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
