Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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