apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
