No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
