You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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