My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
