In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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