look no pants
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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