No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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