I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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