How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we made out on top of his cat.
I look better un-naked...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize