Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i think i just lost a toe
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
