there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
