Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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