if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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