Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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