There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize