i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
