Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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