My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
