I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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