i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
