there's paper in my vomit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize