Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
