the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm like, not good at living.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
