Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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