Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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