Where is the hickey?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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