He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
pray to the hookup gods
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
