I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
