ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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