im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
