Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
