Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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