I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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