Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
