I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
