This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You were trust falling into bushes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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