Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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